After a rough day, it’s totally understandable that your children might upset you especially if the way they act towards you is hurtful. Although this may be the case, your relationship with your children is still very important. It is necessary that you reconnect with them instead of focusing on your frustrations. This will lead you to have a happier life and a healthier relationship with your little ones.
There are some instances in life when we suddenly have regrets. This also happens with parenting. Even though we have the tools to calm our little ones, there are times when it feels impossible to do. However, fixing your relationship with your children after rough parenting moments must be done because this deepens your family bond and strengthens your trust. Also, being able to solve conflicts with your little ones teaches them how to have empathy which is something that cannot really be taught it must be shown by you. Taking time to address our regrets also allows children to learn how to admit their mistakes. It also shows your children how acting out in the wrong way can affect another person.
Here are some steps to reconnect with your children:
Create Safety by Starting Over
When children are upset and acting out after having misunderstandings with you, they are often in a state of “fight or flight” and may be hesitant to approach you. Make them feel that it is safe to communicate with you by showing them your compassion. Begin with a big hug or a warm smile, and let them know that their forgiven. Then also ask for their forgiveness. It is best to reconnect physically since this is the easiest way for children to reconnect. Children often need physical affection to feel connected. You may try grabbing a book and spend some quality time storytelling while snuggling on a couch.
Keep Calm when you are Frustrated
After a long, busy day, you may feel very tired and the last thing you would like to entertain is a house full of demanding and noisy children. This may cause you to be angry which may lead you to saying the wrong words or shouting at them even if you don’t mean to do so. When this happens, take a break and eat and close your eyes for a few seconds, have a shower, or do anything that relaxes you. Take some time for yourself to calm down and release your angry, sad, and hurtful feelings.
See Your Child’s Point of View
Find out what your children want while also making them understand your point of view. If you can see and understand their point of view, this means that you have reconnected even if you can’t give them what they want.
Instead of controlling your children to get your way, try seeing things the way they do and focus on what really matters bonding with them.
Apologizing to Your Child
If you have spoken to your children in harsh tones and used words that you didn’t intend to say while you were in a bad mood, it is best that you own up to this and approach them. Be sure to apologize sincerely and acknowledge that you hurt your little ones feelings and express your wish to reconcile. Besides solving conflicts, you are also teaching them how to deal with their mistakes. Young children often forgive easily while teenagers might need more time to think about things. If your children are older children, give them some space for a while before you approach them, but also make them feel that it is fine to approach you later on.
Empathize and Listen
Some children refuse to respond even if you do take the initiative to approach them. If this happens, take a deep breath and remind yourself that they are still young and that they are seeking your love and support. Even if you disagree with them, take a look at things from their perspective. If they see that you’re ready to listen to what they’ll say, your children will eventually reconnect. Allow them to cry since this is also essential for them to learn how to work through pain and hurt.
Reconnect With Your Child by Playing
Usually, children cannot resist an invitation to play when they are feeling safe. The good thing is that playtime triggers connection hormones such as oxytocin; so if your little ones are acting up or are stressed, playing may be the perfect way to help them relieve stress. Physical activity releases endorphins which trigger positive feelings in human beings. However, playing might be the last thing anyone would want to do when feeling tense, so start slowly by shifting your own mood first before inviting your little ones to play.
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